Well, it looks like I might have come to the end of my road here. I posted the blog for my son. I must admit, it's pretty cool. Letters from me, pictures of me, my parents, my brothers, my daughters, my niece and nephews. Quirky things about our family, like we are hairless Italians, we have odd shaped knees, we are a family of lots and lots of boys, etc. I don't know if I said the right things or enough things. I tried to heed all the wisdom and advice I've learned from this blogging community over the past year. Did my best, but probably made some mistakes. I sent him a message on Facebook with the blog address and...nothing. He hasn't even checked it. I'm sending him a card this weekend, just in case he hasn't gotten the messages on Facebook and then I have to let this go. I just can't live my life like this.
I can't keep writing about the same nothingness over and over again. I'm stuck in a perpetual pity party and that is so NOT who I am. This doesn't mean that I'm closing the door on him, I'd never do that. It just means it's time for this to go back on that shelf it was on for a little over 30 years, the place where I could move forward in my life and give myself a break.
Even though I might not be writing much, (unless some miracle happens) I'll still be reading and learning, maybe even commenting once in a while. Looks like I'll be coming to Chicago in August as well. Anyone up for a Second City show while we're there? I don't know about you, but I could use a good laugh these days.
(((Laurie))) Don't give up. I'm right there in the same boat with you and I know this sucks!!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping to make it to Chicago in August. Something about a group of people sharing similar experiences standing up for the same cause seems to be empowering.
lots and lots of hugs!!!
Roni
Thanks, Roni. I read your blog all the time and totally relate to what you're going through as well. We have a lot in common, it seems. Keeping my fingers crossed that you'll make it to Chicago, would love to meet you IRL!
DeleteThanks for your support,
Laurie
I hear what you say about the shelf! Somehow life seemed easier when I could put this thing of adoption on my shelf too. I sincerely hope that he will get your correspondence and check out your blog and understand you better which may lead him to reach out. I will hope for your miracle too!
ReplyDeleteSara
Thanks, Sara. At this point I'd be really happy for him just to see where he comes from and know that he was wanted and loved. I could live with that.
Delete(((Laurie))) I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You never know what's going to happen... Look at me. I wrote my first mother off completely and figured I'd give it one more shot. Now I'll be meeting her. So maybe your son will change his mind. It just might take some more time. Just don't give up hope!!! I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for Chicago!
Hey, Jenn! So excited for you to meet your mom! I hope it goes well. I think my son's lack of response means that he's scared to open that door. That's fine, not much I can do to change it. I'll be here if he's ever ready.
DeleteCan't wait to meet in Chicago!
Oh Laurie... He hasn't even looked at the blog yet?? Sending the card is a good idea, maybe he hasn't been on fb? I SO hope that is the reason. Or maybe he is deep in the denial that we both know only too well? Maybe he has grown up telling himself that he doesn't have any adoption "issues", so he can't click onto that blog because that could open up more than he is willing to admit. Who knows what is going on with him ~ but I'm willing to bet that it's not YOU that he's staying away from. It's adoption as a whole that he's staying away from. I think the only reason that Christopher finally had the bravery to look for me was because he had become a dad and the need to know wasn't just for him anymore ~ it was for his kids. So don't give up hope! I truly believe that one day he will reach out to you. I just hope and pray it's sooner rather than later!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your needing to put all of this back on the shelf. Life does after all go on. Just not like they told us it would. Sending you lots of love, my friend.
(Oh ~ And I'm 90% sure that I will be going to Chicago. We can have us some quality therapy!!)
Susie~
DeleteI was really hoping he'd at least look at it. You're right, i think this door has way too much emotional stuff behind it for him to risk opening it right now. It'll be open for him whenever he's ready, I just need to stop checking so much. I need to put it on the back burner for a while. Maybe when I least expect it...
BTW, there are several margarita' s with our names on them waiting for us in Chicago. It's my home town, so I'm hoping you'll (and anyone else who wants to join us) let me give you a little tour of the cool, lesser known places while we're there.
Thanks for being there for me,
Laurie